Sunday, 14 December 2014

"Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy." - Week 6

I am a worrier. There, I said it. If I try to give someone a call or send them a text and expect to hear something back from them and do not, I panic. I get myself into a crazy headspace and instantly think the absolute worst, trick my brain into believing it's true and stalk this person in every possible way I can think of to try and figure out where they are. I know where this stems from and I am aware of it, however it's something that I have not been able to change no matter how hard I try. I apologize to any of the poor individuals that have been on the end of one of my worrying fits (you know who you are) and I swear, I'm not really a stalker. I'm working on this!

This brings me to my next point. When I am given a piece of information or advice, good or bad- I usually take the time to fully think about it, let it sink in, process the information and then decide how I feel about it. In most cases- I (of course) worry. I take things personally when they're not to be taken that way at all and I try and figure out a way to fix it. I worry about my family and friends and I always want to be there to help fix a problem they might have or help out in any way I can. So, you can imagine how difficult it might be to "fix" a cancer diagnosis given to someone so close to me who I love so much. This week, I had to face this head on. I was given the news, took some time to process it and felt a wide range of emotions. I sat in my bed for a good hour before I decided to pick up the phone and give this woman a call. The woman on the other end of the phone seemed so put together and hopeful and amazing! I am sure she is nervous and worried but I didn't hear it in her voice. She told me not to worry  about her (which we now know is an inevitable emotion I am 100% going to feel) and she also told me to FIGHT for her and punch someone in the face FOR HER. That's it! That is how I am going to help! I can't physically help with the treatment and I'm not a researcher who can find a cure BUT I am a boxer, who was given this amazing opportunity to FIGHT TO END CANCER. I am fighting for YOU.

I became more motivated than ever and couldn't wait to get to the gym on Monday night to work on everything I have learned so far. I felt so focused and determined to figure out my strengths and weaknesses and I did just that. I can easily point out what it is I need to work on and what I can improve on to make my strong points even stronger. I can't tell you exactly what those are in case my opponent is reading this (Hi Erica)! :)

I let myself feel frustration and annoyance and almost had myself in tears at points of this class because it was bothering me that I couldn't break a bad habit or figure out how to do certain things that I so desperately wanted to be able to do. However, leaving the gym on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday this week, (my body doesn't like me today) I felt rejuvenated and overwhelmed by the support I was receiving from almost everyone at the gym who could see how frustrated I was getting during a specific sparring exercise built around letting us know with a "gentle" tap, when we would be open and getting punched in the face in a real fight (not my finest moment). But, I can't worry about one class and I have to focus on how I am going to improve and be better. This is a process and I am only in the beginning stages. I have lots to learn!

"Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy." I MUST remember this!
I am not naive to the fact that there are many scary things that people hear everyday and worrying about them is a natural emotion. But, for me, taking note and now admitting to the world that my worrying is "next level" crazy, is my first step to taking a deep breath and realizing that I am only hurting myself and possibly missing out on the beauty of life while I am having nervous breakdowns when I can't get ahold of someone.

So, to my loved one (who shall remain nameless) and anyone that is fighting cancer or any kind of illness- I am fighting for you. Your strength and positive outlook will be a key to your recovery and I honestly am NOT worried. Everything is going to be okay and this will be something we all look back on down the road and smile for everything it will teach us. I will punch harder and faster and move out of the way of the incoming punches quicker, with you in mind.

To my boxing family, thank you for keeping me going and for always being there to offer me support, tips and tricks that I greatly appreciate! Special shout out to Megan who I am obsessed with seeing at the gym. This little girl is such a precious, sweet child who I instantly feel happy seeing. A child's innocence and carefree attitude is so refreshing to see and a reminder to be like that.

PLEASE keep my loved one in your thoughts and prayers- especially in the upcoming weeks AND if you want to think of a way that you can help, please support me in this literal fight and anyone you know who has their own fight to win by clicking here.

Love you all!


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