"Maybe she has been by my side this entire time"- Week 14

On Friday morning, I attended a funeral for my old soccer coach, Monique. Monique was 49 years old and died of cancer. She was a beautiful woman, both inside and out and had a contagious personality. She was someone that you always wanted to be around. As a young soccer star, running and endurance was not my forte. I could never get my conditioning up to par with the rest of the team and I worked extremely hard on it. I would dread the thought of going on team runs as I knew this meant I would be trailing behind and holding back anyone that stayed with me. On a particular run, leaving Shell Park in Oakville and running along Lakeshore, Monique fell back to run with me and stuck by my side the entire time. It felt like we were on a run by ourselves as the rest of the team had taken off. Monique spoke to me the entire run with words of encouragement and I remember thinking that it was crazy that she was able to even speak while running- she must be in amazing shape! We spoke about a lot of different things, Monique mostly spoke and I listened, blurting out a few words through deep breaths and my pace gradually got quicker. We did our loop, never stopped to walk and completed the run, not too long after the rest of the team had finished. I felt proud and grateful. I was proud of myself for accomplishing something that I never thought I could and I was grateful to have Monique by my side both literally and figuratively. I wanted to struggle through this run to prove to myself that I could, and I wanted to do it for Monique. I'll never forget that moment.

This week, and until May 30th, I will be doing something else for Monique. I will be fighting for her. Monique helped me achieve something that I never thought possible so many years ago. When I started boxing in November, it felt a little bit like those team runs- impossible. But since then, working with countless individuals at the gym, giving me so many words of encouragement and being by my side, I have already accomplished SO much more than I could have ever imagined. I officially feel like a boxer. Correction, I am a boxer.

Training this week has been one of my best weeks yet. I honestly felt something change inside me, like a light bulb turned on unexpectedly and my focus is on point. It's at the gym and no where else. Even when I'm not at the gym, my focus is still there. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what changed, but I'm just going to go with it.
I got punched too many times in the face this week BUT I also defended many more punches than I usually do. I didn't feel like I was going to cry or like I was wanting to kill anyone that I was fighting against and I stepped out of the ring with my head held high.

My confidence (for right now) is high (I guess this is one of my "high" weeks) and I feel the way I did when I returned back from that run about 15 years ago with Monique by my side...
Come to think of it, maybe she has been by my side this entire time.

Rest in peace, Monique.

Oakville Sting in Italy- Monique is fourth from the left, back row.

"If I look like I'm going to cry or giving you a death stare...ignore it."- Week 13

This week has had its up and downs both in and out of the gym. My workouts at the gym have all kind of jumbled together into one and I can't quite remember which days are which...all I know is that there was a lot of sparring. For the most part, I felt great! I would come out of the ring and think about how I was able to defend most of the punches, well... enough for me to still have confidence. I definitely got punched numerous times by numerous different people, but I survived! I don't think I'm very good at hiding my emotions with my facial expressions and I got the sense that anyone that talked or looked at me knew at some points that I was raging mad and so frustrated. It's almost like I take getting punched, personally, which is actually comical when I admit that out loud. In the rotation of each opponent coming at me, you have to be able to quickly adjust to how that person is going to fight against you.. their stance will be different, their punches will be harder and their pace will be slower. I get irritated when some people stand in front of me and can just kill me. It's like everything I've ever learned has just flown out the window and I'm standing there as a completely open target. Having to stand there and defend punches without throwing any back is all about what is happening inside your head. It really is crazy how MENTAL this sport is. You need to focus on your opponent and only your opponent. This sport has also made me feel mental at times.

So- to my Kingsway family, if I look like I'm going to cry or am giving you a death stare when you're whaling punches at me- ignore it! And if I tell you that I didn't like you so much that night (sorry Mark & Peter), it really means that I just don't like that you were able to punch me in every possible spot on my body and I wasn't able to defend anything. I really actually love you guys! :)

The FTEC team was also given the task this week to SHOP. Me? Shop? Umm ok!!

We needed to get a gown that we will wear at the gala before our fight, but we need it for the official Fight to End Cancer photo shoot on March 1st AND there were stipulations. Erica and I needed to get a dark red dress (we were sent a colour swatch) and we need it by February 24th. This doesn't seem like a super difficult task but it was actually hard, even for me, a professional shopper!

I had the day off on Friday so my Mum and I scooted over to Buffalo to shop. I found the PERFECT dress, the first one I tried on and I instantly bought it. With my cell reception in the states, it was hard to send Jenn a picture of the dress before I bought it to get her approval. When she finally saw the picture she said the red colour was TOO light. NOOOOOO. I was so sad. So, I agreed to continue to shop. I asked my girlfriend, Jessica to meet me in Burlington to help me look on Saturday and we were having NO luck. We finally popped into a little boutique store and TA-DA! SUCCESS! It was approved by Jenn, and I LOVE it! Thanks to my Mum for taking the other dress back to Buffalo for me- you're the BEST EVER- LOVE YOU!

Through all the physical and mental training, it's nice to have something different to look forward to! I don't know about the rest of the FTEC team, but I can't wait for this photo shoot! We even get our hair and makeup done. We get to be models for the day! Yay!

Everything seems to be coming together... training has definitely ramped up- or I have just told myself it needs to, so I'm working that extra bit harder and running that extra few kilometres. My nutrition has been pretty good for the most part, I am freeing my life from anything negative or what I feel is a waste of time and I am focused. I know why I'm doing this and I was reminded of this reason in the worst possible way. I found out that the lady I spoke about in one of my earlier blog posts, my old soccer coach, died. Heaven gained another angel yesterday and she was taken from us too soon. I know she is at peace now. My heart feels heavy and I'll carry it with me to the gym this week. She didn't lose any fight to cancer, she died of this terrible disease. 

We need to continue to fight for those that can't. If you are able to donate to my fight, you can do so by clicking here.

Love you all.

"You shouldn't get a headache from this"- Week 11 and 12

"You shouldn't get a headache from this, your head might just feel weird or different." Words spoken by Mr. Virgil Barrow.

.......I might not have a headache but I definitely feel like I've been hit by a train....I woke up at 11:30am this morning and went for an afternoon nap at 1:00pm. Training is definitely picking up!

February 7, 2015 marks the first day that I strapped on my head gear, laced up my new boxing shoes and stepped into the ring to get my first hit to the head (and multiple hits following that one). I wasn't able to fight back- only defend myself. You cannot even imagine how frustrating this exercise is. The entire 2015 FTEC team was in the ring on defence,  lined up against boxing veterans and 2014 FTEC team members, anticipating punches coming flying at our faces, intending to hit us. I was terrified.....

Rewind back a couple weeks when Virgil mentioned that we were going to be making contact and that I needed to purchase a head gear... Pardon me? How has this day already come?

I had an initial freak out in my mind, asked myself why I was doing this (for the 100000 time) and then calmed down. My next move was to tell everyone I knew, that I was going to be getting punched in the head for the first time! I thought it sounded pretty badass (excuse my language). And it totally is!

I was excited to get to the boxing store and shop (I love to spend money- sorry future husband).  My experience at Beatdown Sports was a good one. I would have loved to have been able to hear what the guy at the store was thinking when he saw me walk in and say "I'm looking for a head gear thing or whatever..." to which he laughed and said "A head gear?" and then I proceeded to ask him if he had any in the colour pink...He couldn't contain his laughter in front of me... BUT it got me a free pair of pink boxing shorts! Yesss!! How cute are they?

I left the store with a black head gear, black Asics boxing shoes and my new shorts of course. :) Thanks Beatdown Sports!

I got to the gym on Saturday morning having had the most restless sleep the night before and felt SO nervous for what was in store for us. I was excited to get into the ring and really experience how it all feels with my equipment on, but when I saw Jane, Dawn, Rob and Mark waiting on the sidelines ready to take us on, my entire body was flooded with the most intense emotion. All I was thinking was "I don't want to get hit in the head." This gave me ALL the motivation I needed to really focus on the task at hand and defend, defend, defend.

Virgil had us stand in a circle and hit ourselves in the head to take away the initial shock of someone else hitting us for the first time. I felt so weird standing there punching myself but I think it actually helped. The first hit was still a shock but our opponents were definitely not winding up and giving us their most powerful shots either.

For the most part, the hour class was successful. I got hit multiple times but I learned a lot about my style and technique and things I definitely need to work on. I think I know what my strength will be but I'm not about to disclose this to Erica (my opponent)!

I got really frustrated with Virgil who was OBVIOUSLY only trying to help me and proceeded to apologize profusely to him afterwards. He claims he "gets" me now, so maybe that needed to happen.

All in all, I left the gym on Saturday feeling good! No tears and limited frustration.

I got home, took a shower and fell into bed for a good chunk of the afternoon. I am ready for the next three + months to consist of A LOT of hard work and naps.

Talk to you next week!