"You shouldn't get a headache from this"- Week 11 and 12

"You shouldn't get a headache from this, your head might just feel weird or different." Words spoken by Mr. Virgil Barrow.

.......I might not have a headache but I definitely feel like I've been hit by a train....I woke up at 11:30am this morning and went for an afternoon nap at 1:00pm. Training is definitely picking up!

February 7, 2015 marks the first day that I strapped on my head gear, laced up my new boxing shoes and stepped into the ring to get my first hit to the head (and multiple hits following that one). I wasn't able to fight back- only defend myself. You cannot even imagine how frustrating this exercise is. The entire 2015 FTEC team was in the ring on defence,  lined up against boxing veterans and 2014 FTEC team members, anticipating punches coming flying at our faces, intending to hit us. I was terrified.....

Rewind back a couple weeks when Virgil mentioned that we were going to be making contact and that I needed to purchase a head gear... Pardon me? How has this day already come?

I had an initial freak out in my mind, asked myself why I was doing this (for the 100000 time) and then calmed down. My next move was to tell everyone I knew, that I was going to be getting punched in the head for the first time! I thought it sounded pretty badass (excuse my language). And it totally is!

I was excited to get to the boxing store and shop (I love to spend money- sorry future husband).  My experience at Beatdown Sports was a good one. I would have loved to have been able to hear what the guy at the store was thinking when he saw me walk in and say "I'm looking for a head gear thing or whatever..." to which he laughed and said "A head gear?" and then I proceeded to ask him if he had any in the colour pink...He couldn't contain his laughter in front of me... BUT it got me a free pair of pink boxing shorts! Yesss!! How cute are they?

I left the store with a black head gear, black Asics boxing shoes and my new shorts of course. :) Thanks Beatdown Sports!

I got to the gym on Saturday morning having had the most restless sleep the night before and felt SO nervous for what was in store for us. I was excited to get into the ring and really experience how it all feels with my equipment on, but when I saw Jane, Dawn, Rob and Mark waiting on the sidelines ready to take us on, my entire body was flooded with the most intense emotion. All I was thinking was "I don't want to get hit in the head." This gave me ALL the motivation I needed to really focus on the task at hand and defend, defend, defend.

Virgil had us stand in a circle and hit ourselves in the head to take away the initial shock of someone else hitting us for the first time. I felt so weird standing there punching myself but I think it actually helped. The first hit was still a shock but our opponents were definitely not winding up and giving us their most powerful shots either.

For the most part, the hour class was successful. I got hit multiple times but I learned a lot about my style and technique and things I definitely need to work on. I think I know what my strength will be but I'm not about to disclose this to Erica (my opponent)!

I got really frustrated with Virgil who was OBVIOUSLY only trying to help me and proceeded to apologize profusely to him afterwards. He claims he "gets" me now, so maybe that needed to happen.

All in all, I left the gym on Saturday feeling good! No tears and limited frustration.

I got home, took a shower and fell into bed for a good chunk of the afternoon. I am ready for the next three + months to consist of A LOT of hard work and naps.

Talk to you next week!

'Ring that Bell'- Week 10

'Ring that Bell' is what I read on the cake as I walked into the chemo clinic this week. I was there to celebrate the final chemo treatment for a woman I had just met the week before... I arrived just in time to see the final countdown of the medication drip taking it's last drop and clapping and celebrating with a family so full of hope. I took a few deep breaths and held back my tears and really took everything in...

For the past three years, working for The Princess Margaret - I have walked around the cancer centre countless times but never actually stepped foot inside the chemo clinic. I can't really say I pictured it looking any specific way but it looked like I thought it would. I sat across from this amazing woman and watched as the nurse detached her from the machines and set her 'free' from the tubes and wires. I got chills and wanted to burst into tears of happiness when I saw the smile on her face as she hugged her arm that had just received the medication. We waited for her doctor to arrive to share in the bell ringing moment. She sprung out of her chair, and marched over with determination to the large bell in the hallway (this bell is rang when you have completed your final chemo treatment). It was something I will never forget! I was so grateful to have been invited to be part of such a special moment and I can't even begin to explain all of the other emotions that flooded through me as I left this woman and her support system. She is SO strong.

I've been thinking about this all week and took this experience with me to the gym every night. I thought about my fight when I was with her and I thought about her when I was training to fight. 

This week in training, footwork seems to have been the theme. We worked on moving our feet on offence and defence and quick footwork to step into a few punches and then get the heck out of there before your opponent has a chance to hit back. Let me tell you, this stuff is hard! 

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

In our almost 2 hour class, Jenn took us through drills, using the rope ladder on the ground and looking in the mirror to mimic and help us visualize stepping into your opponent, throwing a few punches and getting out with a jab. We lined up and went over this again and again. I felt great! "This is easy", "I've got this." Fast forward an hour when I have Jane (FTEC 2014 fighter) standing in front of me. Jenn tells us to use what we JUST learned and step into our opponent and throw the punches and get out... My mind goes blank and I have NO idea what I am doing. I try and try and think I'm doing okay until Jenn comes over and completely shuts me down. Perfect. 

Jenn has a tough love approach and I both love and hate it. I hate it because it puts those negative thoughts I talked about last week back in my head but I love it because I know she is only being this tough because she knows I can do this... because I can do this, obvs (short form for obviously)! I just need to continue to tell myself that I cannot be perfect, in the sport of boxing or ever. I need to remember that there won't be time on fight night to make sure that every technique and foot positioning is just right. All I can do is remember everything I have been taught and know that whatever comes my way, I will have the knowledge to react to it in a close to perfect way. :)

When May 30th rolls around, I know that I will have every bit of confidence to step into that ring and box, for real. Physically and mentally, I will be ready for them to 'ring that bell'.

Stay tuned for next week! :)

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

"I am doing this because I know that I can." - Week 9

Winter Fight Camp- COMPLETE.
From the very first day I committed myself to Fight to End Cancer (FTEC), I knew that on January 17th, it was mandatory that I take part in a full day fight camp dedicated to teaching the rookies (and refreshing the veterans) on every technique/rule needed to box and compete. I arrived early Saturday morning at the gym ready for a FULL day of boxing.  We were taken through many drills to teach us the basics and foundation of this sport and once we had all those down, we got into the ring for some sparring (nothing too intense) to put to use what we had just learned. I was partnered with Kate (a former FTEC fighter) and she was an amazing teacher to me. If you know me at all, you know that I NEED some kind of positive reinforcement so I know what I'm doing is correct and to give me that little added confidence boost. Kate was the perfect partner for this! When I would counter and defend her punches, the slightest nod of encouragement was all that I needed. Thanks Kate :)

I felt really good about everything we learned and even though there was SO much information to take in, I think (and hope) that I absorbed it all, or most of it!
I was exhausted leaving the gym at 5PM after 6.5 hours of training but it was the best I've felt to date pulling out of the Kingsway Boxing Club parking lot.

This was a much different feeling than I had leaving the gym on Thursday night this week. It's so interesting and crazy to me that I am doing what I am doing. I have never boxed before, I am doing strenuous training to get myself into shape over the course of 7+ months and I am actually going to fight against someone in a ring, in front of hundreds of people. WHAT?!
Most days when leaving the gym, I am feeling so motivated and amazing after such a good workout and I feel so high on life, but occasionally I leave the gym with thoughts like "why am I doing this?", "I'm never going to break that bad habit", "I suck", "what if I lose my fight?" and other thoughts that are SO negative and very unlike me. These lead to thoughts of, "why am I doing something that is making me feel so down about myself?" and it's a whole vicious cycle. For the most part, I keep these thoughts to myself because I don't want to admit that I feel this way as that might be seen as a weakness, but I can't hide it anymore! I know that anyone who has ever challenged themselves and put themselves in a situation that is so foreign and uncomfortable has had or will have these thoughts and, well, I'm human.

It's insane how a new sport or task that is placed in front of you can evoke SO many different feelings and emotions. On Thursday night after a full class with Virgil doing one defending drill the entire time, I took off my gloves and packed up my bag to leave and expressed to Virgil (with excitement) that that was a great class and I felt so comfortable and I finally think I'm getting it! His response, with no words and a simple 'look' made my mood change in a split second. He told me my movements were very mechanical and predictable......PARDON?! I know he had the best intentions by telling me this as he is my coach and needs to be honest but I was so sad, upset and confused. I wanted to stay and chat about this but had to run out as I was late for my soccer game.
I got to soccer and ran right onto the field and instantly felt at peace. Soccer has been a sport that I picked up so naturally as a little girl. I've been playing for almost 20 years and when I play, I feel like I am floating on a cloud. Your whole world and every thought is about the game and what you need to do and there isn't time to think about anything else. It's heavenly. There are different techniques and runs that we are taught, but after all these years playing, I don't have to think about any of these 'rules' and it's the most natural feeling.

As I left soccer that night and drove back from Burlington to Toronto- I had time to think. I realized that no one is going to start something new and be perfect at it right away and it's going to take time. I understand and am aware that I am a perfectionist and only want to be the best at everything I do. I understand that I am NOT going to be the best boxer in the world. I understand that it's natural to have negative feelings about how you're progressing and feeling upset about certain things when they don't come as easily to you. I know that I can't suppress these negative thoughts and feelings and need to be vocal about them to my coaches and anyone that will listen because it's not good to keep those kinds of thoughts to yourself. I also see now how mental the sport of boxing is. I realize that there is so much that I don't know and so much that I have to learn and just because something doesn't 'click' right away, I will get there.

So, why am I doing what I'm doing? I am fighting for everyone and anyone that has or will be diagnosed with cancer. I am fighting for people who would give anything to be ABLE to train and be part of a boxing match. I am doing this to challenge myself and I am doing this because I know that I can.

Win or lose? I believe that I have already won.

It's a new year - Week 8

Happy New Year!

This time last week, I was basking in the sun in Jamaica as my trip came to an end. It was an unreal break and holiday and I'm so glad I took that time for myself to really immerse myself into the Jamaican culture and get some much needed rest and relaxation. I know I am in for a huge undertaking now that the fight is only five short months away.

I can't say my first week back at the gym was the most strenuous as I was just getting back into the swing of things and had some work commitments on nights that I should've been at the gym- but I managed to get in there on Tuesday and Saturday. I was feeling slightly under the weather but I pushed through and made sure I got a few workouts in.
It felt great to be back at the gym and to see my family after a few weeks! I was struggling. I'll admit it, and it didn't feel great to have Virgil point that out to me a few times either...

This Saturday was the first week that an hour was dedicated solely to the fight team. This will continue now until the big day! I got to the gym early to get the conditioning class in and then stuck around with the rest of my fight team to work with Virgil on some technical skills. We spent the entire hour working on the most basic techniques as a mini refresher after the restful holiday season. I appreciated this!

I then stuck around after 3 hours of sweating, for our first Fight Team meeting to go over some administrative details. There was lots to cover but we got through it all and it made me so excited and so nervous for event day!

Next week is time to really pick up my training and get my nutrition back to the way it was prior to the break! No more slacking!

Stay tuned!

"Life is so fragile and unpredictable"- Week 7 (last post of 2014)

It hit me last night when I was immersed in a room of my new family, some of the best and nicest people I have ever met, that Fight to End Cancer 2015 is just over FIVE MONTHS AWAY. What?
For some reason, when I started training, seven months sounded like an eternity and it hadn't quite and still hasn't fully hit me that I will be stepping into a boxing ring and opening myself up to being hit in the face. I won't literally be opening myself up because my face will be covered of course, but you know what I mean.
Five months away? If those days and weeks go by as fast as the first two months did...this fight will be here in no time. AHH

I walked around the Kingsway Boxing Christmas Party last night and chatted with all the familiar faces I see at the gym every day. It was amazing and I could not feel more fortunate to 1. have met this incredible group of people in the first place (thanks Kelly) and 2. to be in the position that so much advice and support was offered to me for this crazy journey that I have only dipped my toes into. The New Year is just around the corner and I am ready to fully dive head first into the intense training- both physically and mentally. I am mostly excited and slightly nervous to see what 2015 has in store for me. I know it's going to be good.

Photo (L to R): Jennifer Huggins, Kelly Dickinson and Me

So, let me talk about my last week of training (in actual classes at the gym) of 2014. Yet again, it was a tough one. This week was FULL of tears. I don't know if boxing has somehow made me a really emotional person or if recently I have just been put in, or heard about really sad situations, but regardless, the tears were flowing (I swear, I'm not usually a crier- right, Mum?).

I'll break it down:

Gym
The workouts were exhausting and I had my first "injury". I was going into the conditioning class after an already long Tuesday night technical class with Jenn and in the middle of one of my burpees, I felt a tweak in my neck that shot down my shoulder and back. I immediately stopped and told Jenn, who instructed me to step out of the workout, got me some ice and made me sit there while everyone continued on. This is torture to me and reminds me of any time I've had to sit on the bench for soccer and how badly I want to be back in the game, but I knew this was for the best. She told me to go home and to take a rest for a few days. This was a learning moment for me- in my head I was thinking "Ya, that's not happening- I'm waking up for a run in the morning" but quickly decided to oblige solely based on how adamant she was. I can honestly admit that I'm not one that listens to my body as much as I should. I have this fear that I'm going to miss out on something and try to speed up recovery time whenever I have any kind of injury. I know this is not going to fly with Jenn and Virgil and in the sport of boxing as a whole.
I took a break on Wednesday and was back at the gym on Thursday (I swear my neck felt perfect). This night in particular, Virgil saw the tears welling up in my eyes because I couldn't get my footing right. I just could NOT get it and my brain was working in overdrive trying to focus on not getting hit in the face, throwing the right punch and making sure the way my feet were moving was proper (especially because I could see Virgil's eye fixed on them for an entire sparring round). I yelled at him to stop staring at me and continued on in my frustrated state where nothing got accomplished because I was then just focused on how frustrated I was. It was a vicious cycle! I held in my tears... until I got to my car. :)

Side note- I got cleared medically to actually fight! Time to start shopping for a pink headgear- just kidding (kind of)!

Work
This week I put on an event at the Princess Margaret Cancer Centre to bring some holiday cheer and joy into the lives of our youngest patients. The Children's Holiday Party is a time for children who are being treated at The Princess Margaret or whose parents or guardians are treated there to gather together, make some crafts, decorate cookies, get some tattoos or their face painted and receive a special gift from Santa. This event is one that I am so grateful to have in my portfolio. It's so nice to chat with the parents and play with the children and it's one of those moments that you stop to recognize and really put your life into perspective. The little things that I wake up in the morning and think are a big deal, ARE NOT. These children and their families exude hope and for two hours, I get to watch these amazing children run around, with the biggest smiles on their faces and I experience what true strength really looks like. Life is so so precious.
I went back to the office and here we go again... tears.

Personal
I'm not going to get into the full details of this one, but trust me when I say, it's been a hard week filled with many emotions on a personal level.

BUT, with everything that has happened this week and over the past couple of months, I have learned to be so grateful for everything that I have. I have my health, the absolute best family and friends, a NEW amazing boxing family and a job where I work every day to conquer cancer in our lifetime. Take the time to think about everything that YOU are grateful for and remember these things as you move through your day to day life.

At this time of year especially, hug your loved ones and let them know how much they mean to you! Life is so fragile and unpredictable.

Whatever holiday you celebrate, I wish you all the very best as you surround yourself with family and friends!

Love you all and thanks again for your support. See you in the New Year!

xo Paige

"Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy." - Week 6

I am a worrier. There, I said it. If I try to give someone a call or send them a text and expect to hear something back from them and do not, I panic. I get myself into a crazy headspace and instantly think the absolute worst, trick my brain into believing it's true and stalk this person in every possible way I can think of to try and figure out where they are. I know where this stems from and I am aware of it, however it's something that I have not been able to change no matter how hard I try. I apologize to any of the poor individuals that have been on the end of one of my worrying fits (you know who you are) and I swear, I'm not really a stalker. I'm working on this!

This brings me to my next point. When I am given a piece of information or advice, good or bad- I usually take the time to fully think about it, let it sink in, process the information and then decide how I feel about it. In most cases- I (of course) worry. I take things personally when they're not to be taken that way at all and I try and figure out a way to fix it. I worry about my family and friends and I always want to be there to help fix a problem they might have or help out in any way I can. So, you can imagine how difficult it might be to "fix" a cancer diagnosis given to someone so close to me who I love so much. This week, I had to face this head on. I was given the news, took some time to process it and felt a wide range of emotions. I sat in my bed for a good hour before I decided to pick up the phone and give this woman a call. The woman on the other end of the phone seemed so put together and hopeful and amazing! I am sure she is nervous and worried but I didn't hear it in her voice. She told me not to worry  about her (which we now know is an inevitable emotion I am 100% going to feel) and she also told me to FIGHT for her and punch someone in the face FOR HER. That's it! That is how I am going to help! I can't physically help with the treatment and I'm not a researcher who can find a cure BUT I am a boxer, who was given this amazing opportunity to FIGHT TO END CANCER. I am fighting for YOU.

I became more motivated than ever and couldn't wait to get to the gym on Monday night to work on everything I have learned so far. I felt so focused and determined to figure out my strengths and weaknesses and I did just that. I can easily point out what it is I need to work on and what I can improve on to make my strong points even stronger. I can't tell you exactly what those are in case my opponent is reading this (Hi Erica)! :)

I let myself feel frustration and annoyance and almost had myself in tears at points of this class because it was bothering me that I couldn't break a bad habit or figure out how to do certain things that I so desperately wanted to be able to do. However, leaving the gym on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday this week, (my body doesn't like me today) I felt rejuvenated and overwhelmed by the support I was receiving from almost everyone at the gym who could see how frustrated I was getting during a specific sparring exercise built around letting us know with a "gentle" tap, when we would be open and getting punched in the face in a real fight (not my finest moment). But, I can't worry about one class and I have to focus on how I am going to improve and be better. This is a process and I am only in the beginning stages. I have lots to learn!

"Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy." I MUST remember this!

I am not naive to the fact that there are many scary things that people hear everyday and worrying about them is a natural emotion. But, for me, taking note and now admitting to the world that my worrying is "next level" crazy, is my first step to taking a deep breath and realizing that I am only hurting myself and possibly missing out on the beauty of life while I am having nervous breakdowns when I can't get ahold of someone.

So, to my loved one (who shall remain nameless) and anyone that is fighting cancer or any kind of illness- I am fighting for you. Your strength and positive outlook will be a key to your recovery and I honestly am NOT worried. Everything is going to be okay and this will be something we all look back on down the road and smile for everything it will teach us. I will punch harder and faster and move out of the way of the incoming punches quicker, with you in mind.

To my boxing family, thank you for keeping me going and for always being there to offer me support, tips and tricks that I greatly appreciate! Special shout out to Megan who I am obsessed with seeing at the gym. This little girl is such a precious, sweet child who I instantly feel happy seeing. A child's innocence and carefree attitude is so refreshing to see and a reminder to be like that.

PLEASE keep my loved one in your thoughts and prayers- especially in the upcoming weeks AND if you want to think of a way that you can help, please support me in this literal fight and anyone you know who has their own fight to win by clicking here.

Love you all!

Paige

"You look like you're a fighter, I don't want to piss you off!" - Week 5

Jennifer is back at the gym after being gone for almost 2 weeks! It was so nice to see her and have her back in usual form (tough). Jennifer was in Korea refereeing at the Women's World Boxing Championship and came back expecting professionalism from everyone.  We all did our best to comply and work our butts off to impress! We started off with 5 rounds of shadow boxing and then focused on bag work for the remainder of the class. Once again, I am amazed at how much there is to learn and remember about boxing. Jennifer was adamant and slightly aggressive in ensuring that every time I throw a punch,  my chin is tucked down into my shoulder. This is a tip/technique that I had never known about and it has changed everything! Focusing on bringing your shoulder up to protect your face kind of feels like you're punching yourself in the face with your shoulder and when I mentioned this to Jennifer, she reminded me that this will be a lot less painful than my opponent's fist to my jaw. This is true. It was also pointed out that I need to put more weight on my back leg when throwing any punches. These are two new and valuable learnings that I am going to remember from here on out. They will only make me a better boxer!

When I got home from the gym that night (Tuesday), I had a "package pick up slip" in my mailbox and I raced to my concierge. My gloves had arrived!!!! I ran upstairs to give Sydney (my roommate) a first look and showed her some of my punches and the new techniques I learned that night- all while wearing my new gloves of course. Sydney also helped me roll up my hand wraps the night before. They had a few wrinkles in them when she was done but it'll take some practice to get the roll up perfect. Thanks, Sydney! :)

Thursday couldn't come soon enough as I was TOO excited to get to the gym and throw on my new gloves and see how they felt. Let me tell you, they felt AMAZING and I think they looked pretty good too! Virgil had us do some circuit training from shadow boxing, to the punching bag, to the head movement bag, to the double end bag and then into the ring to fight against Sean! Betty Ann and I partnered up and made our way through the circuit. When we got into the ring, we were only allowed to use our jabs but we could punch Sean anywhere, while Sean was able to defend himself and throw any punch back but only allowed to hit us in the stomach. It was such a tiring few rounds but I felt good about how I did! (See pictures below)

My favourite part of my Thursday night was when I left the gym and was on my way to my soccer game in Burlington. I stopped at Tim Hortons to get myself a bottle of water. When I got to the window I had my new gloves sitting on my passenger seat and I handed a gift card to the cashier to pay for the water. He let me know that I still owed 48 cents. I repeated back "I owe you 48 cents?" as I thought I had more money on my card. He glanced into my car, noticed my new boxing gloves and said "Actually, don't worry about it! You look like you're a fighter, I don't want to piss you off!" I laughed and thanked him. This was such a great moment for me and it was such an overwhelming feeling. It's crazy how such a small comment can really make someone's day! Thanks, Tim Hortons' guy!

This was another amazing week at the gym! I just can't get enough!

If you'd like to support me with a donation, you can visit my personal page here: http://pmhf3.akaraisin.com/pledge/Participant/Home.aspx?seid=9717&mid=9&pid=2005385

Thanks in advance!

PS: Yes, my new gloves are PINK!