My Auntie Heather

My Uncle George stopped me at the funeral home, rolled up his sleeve and showed me that he had his Fight to End Cancer bracelet on that I sent to him last year post fight. He told me he hasn't taken it off since and to 'keep fighting'.

He wasn't talking about just boxing, he was talking about cancer. My family and I travelled to Montreal this past weekend to celebrate my Auntie Heather's life with her kids, grandkids, six siblings (my mum's side), close friends and family. It was a beautiful celebration.

My Auntie Heather had cancer for 11 years and as her son put it, "it didn't define her." She was so much more than that and though she did fight with cancer every single day - it didn't take away from her role as a mother, sister, grandmother, aunt and friend. She was Heather.  And that was enough.

The last time I saw my Auntie Heather was when we went to visit in June after my fight. I had a plaque for her and I wanted her to know that I had fought for her. I will never forget the memory of sitting beside her at Dunn's waiting for our smoked meat sandwiches, seeing her reaction to photos of my bloody nose from the event and then seeing her read the plaque through tears welling up in her eyes. My eyes weren't dry either.

My Auntie Heather fought cancer, yes. But though she is no longer with us, she definitely did not lose that fight. We say defeat is not an option because it's the truth. My Auntie Heather and anyone that has had to fight, is fighting or will fight are the reason that we are still fighting. If anything, it makes us all fight that much harder.

Auntie Heather, your honesty, sarcastic humour and love for your family will be missed. I love you and I promise I won't stop fighting as long as you are in my corner.

Rest peacefully, Auntie Heather <3

A Letter to FTEC2016 TEAM and ALL FUTURE FIGHTERS

Dear Fighters,

It has been nine months since I stepped into the ring on the most terrifyingly, electric night of my life and not a day goes by that I don’t think about what I did.

Not only do I get to walk into work every day and see a large mural of myself with blood dripping down my face on the wall, but it doesn’t stop there. I have SO many beautiful memories. I have the memory of 10 scared and brave individuals, starting a journey and not knowing where exactly it would take us. These 10 individuals, plus numerous other people that helped us get to where we ended up have become a huge part of my life… an entirely new family. They helped me and continue to help me grow and teach me things, both physically and mentally. They pushed me to work harder every time I trained and I also had to find it within, to push myself to the limit for eight months. I was at Kingsway more in those eight long months than I was at home and I don’t regret a single second. You HAVE to put in the work. I say long because it does seem like a long time, but trust me when I say- IT GOES BY SO FAST.

My advice to you would be to please take it all in, get to the gym and train your butt off (you’ll be both sad and slightly relieved when you’re done and not training for anything later) and get on your social media and raise some MONEY! Set a goal for yourself, a goal that scares you and REACH IT. I promise you can do it. Send out a link of your fundraising page to every one you know and make the 'ask' personal. There is a much larger chance someone will donate to you if you’re asking them personally and directly. All anyone can say is no! Oh well, you tried! It’s definitely an intimidating task and even working in the nonprofit, fundraising world,  it scared me. But really, what do you have to lose? I posted so much about #FTEC on social media that I am sure I lost a few cyber friends or followers, but who needs them? I’d much rather raise money for cancer research, plus the outpouring of support (through donations and well wishes) I received from people I didn’t even know or who I hadn’t spoken to in years evoked an indescribable feeling. *Side note- if you ever need any tips and tricks on fundraising, don’t hesitate to ask!

Choosing to try out and being part of Fight to End Cancer was the best possible decision I have ever made. So many factors in my life led me to Kingsway and into that ring and because of Fight to End Cancer- my life has changed in the most wonderful ways. I am SO grateful for the opportunities it has opened up for me, the people I have met along the way and an added, personal bonus of forming the best relationships with one of my fellow fighters.

With the photoshoot coming up this weekend for this year’s team- I am so jealous and wish I could flash back to that day and every day after it but I can’t. I do however have the memories in my head, heart and of course lots of pictures. I also have the feeling that I did something and was part of something that was so much bigger than I could have ever imagined.

I am so proud to be part of the FTEC family and alumni. It seriously is such an honour and a privilege. Don’t take this lightly. This is one experience I PROMISE you will never forget. Give it your all! Remember who you're fighting for.

TRAIN. FIGHT. END.

Love Paige

The After Math - 6+ Months Post Fight

It's hard to believe that over a year has passed since I made the BEST DECISION of my life so far. Life changing is the only way to describe it.

The high of fight night took a while to escape from me but I am reminded every day, in different ways about what I did and how amazing it was to have been part of something so much bigger than I could have ever imagined.

The nostalgia sets in here and there but the constant joy I feel continues to grow as I reflect on the numerous feelings and accomplishments that went hand in hand with this journey:

1. I was part of an event, raising funds to contribute to breakthrough research and developing medical advances with a hope for a cancer free future. The amazing FTEC team succeeded in bringing in over $165,000- the most raised in the history of this event. I hope next year's team can beat this record! Many of you reading this, helped in this mission. I am confident we have contributed toward the vision to conquer cancer in our, our children's or our grandchildren's lifetime.

2. I learned that I have a new passion. Boxing. Growing up as a competitive soccer player, I didn't have time to try new things. Throwing myself into a completely new sport was both terrifying and exciting. I had to embrace the unknown, frustrations and mental breakdowns that came along with boxing and ride the intense highs of having these techniques and skills finally click, being taught a new combination and feeling like the biggest badass (excuse my french), and stepping into the ring, surrounded by everyone I love and showing them that I do know how to box (or at least know how to take really hard punches to the face and never back down while continuing to throw them back).

3. I can't even count how many new friends I have made through this, all of whom I have known for a year or less but who accept me for exactly who I am. Never have I once felt like I wasn't being completely authentic when I stepped foot in the gym, or been around this new growing family.

4. Knowing what I can achieve if I dedicate and put my mind to something is one thing I have never experienced before this. I truly believe that I can do anything I want in life and YOU CAN TOO!

5. I never would have guessed that signing up to fight, also meant that I was signing up to meet my future boyfriend and one of the best guys ever. I am so grateful that Robert came walking into Kingsway Boxing and into my life. I will admit that my first impression of him and his of me were obviously very off. He has proven to me that laughter truly is the best medicine and I will never be short of that with Robert in my life. (Shout out to Virgil for scouting him to fight Mark!)

As an FTEC alumni, I am in a new position now as I watch the 2016 fight team prepare for their boxing debuts in June 2016. I'm jealous but also happy to have already gone through the crazy emotions that, whether they realize it or not, they are about to face. I hope this experience will prove to be as life changing for them as it has been for me.

I will be there every step of the way.

xo Paige

FIGHT NIGHT- Through my eyes!

What a night! I can't believe that I just took part in something so much bigger than I could have ever imagined. My journey in this new adventure started exactly a year ago when I attended, as a guest, Fight to End Cancer 2014. I knew nothing about the fighters or coaches, but I was getting into these fights like some of these people were my personal friends. I was hooked. I needed to be part of this. Fast forward one year and HERE I AM. This might sound crazy, but I didn't even know what I was REALLY getting myself into until my 3 rounds were complete on Saturday night. Those were 3 rounds of HELL and I felt like my legs weren't moving, my arms weren't properly swinging and my brain certainly was not working....

The final month leading up to May 30th was filled with BOXING. I didn't do anything else with my time (besides work of course). I went for runs and I went to the gym and repeated that every single day for over 30 days. I was doing this and I could not let a single day go by, knowing that I could have done something more. My competitiveness went crazy and I was obsessed. I had to force myself to take days off to rest my body and on those days I felt intense guilt.  Everyone talks about how hard all of us fighters work to prepare for our boxing debut on event night and when I hear this, I think to myself that none of this felt like hard work to me. Yes, I put in the time and left the gym, sometimes in tears, sore and sweaty but I was having the best time doing it. I got to see people every day that I have grown to love and respect over such a short period of time.

My nerves started to set in about a week prior to the event...I was starting to lose sleep and this was worrisome and annoying to me. Training had to start getting lighter and when my coaches told me to slow down, all I wanted to do was go faster.
Thursday night was the last night in the gym. I felt great. I did some light shadow boxing, went for a run and hit the bag. I was ready. I truly felt like I had done all that I could have done leading up to this fight of a lifetime.

Friday and Saturday were weird days- my nerves turned into excitement and I couldn't wait to get going. After work on Friday, it was essential that we keep ourselves busy. Robert and I went to see a movie and it was the worst movie ever but at least we weren't thinking about boxing! I slept like a baby that night and woke up Saturday morning ready to go. I needed to get out of my condo in the morning to avoid thinking, so I met up with Robert again to grab a coffee and walk around the city. Robert and I have shared so much of this entire experience together that it only seemed fitting to hang out with him the morning of the event. It was also nice to be with someone who was feeling the same way I was that day. Any moment of silence was easily chalked up to both of us thinking about that night. I then met up with Kelly to get our nails done! The woman at the salon asked if we were going to a wedding, to which I responded, 'no I'm in a boxing match tonight!'. She didn't understand.

Arriving home that afternoon after my morning festivities is when it all hit me. I was NERVOUS. I took these nerves as a reminder to be present in this moment and to reflect on what I was doing this for. I laid silently on my bed and actually spoke out loud about why I was doing this and who I was fighting for. This lasted a good 20 minutes. I was back to feeling at ease.

Then, there I was at the Old Mill sitting in front of the ring that I would be stepping into hours from then. It was smaller and the ground was softer and spongier than the one at Kingsway, I got stressed and overwhelmed about my walkout and told Virgil I wasn't doing it and found myself in tears. Two minutes later I said "Fine! I'll do it!" without anyone even trying to convince me. I was being a crazy person. The amount of emotions I had already experienced on this day was nothing compared to what was about to come pre, during and post fight.

The fights were underway and even though I said to myself that I was for sure going to watch Robert and Mark fight the first bout, I quickly decided against it once the nerves really started to set in. Waiting in the back room with the other fighters as we all warmed up and got in our zones was such a cool but weird experience all at the same time. I knew the fights started at 8pm and mine wasn't until 10pm so I actually brought a book to read in between. It's comical to think that I thought I would be relaxed enough to chill out and read while so much was happening around me... instead the time ZOOMED by and as Phil and the coaches came in every 15 minutes or so and grabbed each bout in order one after another, I was panicked. How is this coming so fast?!

All of a sudden I was standing outside the main door about to make my entrance. At this point, I had done all that I could have done. This was it, the moment I had been waiting for that I had trained for, for over 7 months. I was warmed up and I said to Virgil "there is no way I am losing this fight."
There was only one thing left to do in my mind as we waited for the live auction to wrap up... sing and dance, of course. I love Virgil and TJ so much! They didn't even hesitate and got their singing and dancing on! The three of us stood there, huddled around an iPhone, singing and dancing to 'Cheerleader' by Omi. That was one of my favourite memories of the night. I was in my own world. Then I hear my name and the doors opened with the cameras right on me. "Oh shit" is all that went through my head. I couldn't hear a single thing for my entire walkout, I'm surprised I was even somewhat on beat to the song. It was such a blur!
I got in the ring and waited for Erica to do her walkout. I took note of my family and supporter tables who were on their feet cheering me on. Here goes nothing....

After we were given the rules, we tapped gloves and were sent back to our corners. The bell rang.... "Holy shit!" I feel anxiety even recounting this right now. At this point, there was no turning back and punches were being thrown- by both of us and they were really hard. I got panicked and in my head there was a lot of swearing going on. Erica came out in full swing- those punches were coming at me and a lot were landing. I felt panic and then I was calm. I heard Virgil and TJ yelling "Box! Box, Paige! Box!" and I was telling them to shut up under my breath and in my head (hehe sorry) because I KNOW THAT'S WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO BUT I COULDN'T THINK! Somehow I got through the round. I was SO tired. How was that only one round?
Virgil gave me the typical "Virgil pep talk" and I was recharged. Round 2 baby.

I couldn't tell you what happened but all I remember is seeing blood flying in front of my face and having it all over my glove. I had no idea if Erica or I was bleeding. It was me.
Uh-oh. The ref got me to my corner to get cleaned up and before I turned around- I seriously felt a surge of energy pump through my body at that exact moment. I glared at Erica, sucked blood back in my nose to taste it in my mouth (ew) and landed some hard punches on Erica's face. I felt like an animal attacking my prey. It was creepy actually now that I think about it. But Erica was NOT letting up. Round 2 ended with a quick 8 count for Erica and secretly I was hoping she'd quit because I felt like I was going to collapse. But no, nope. No quitting there.

Virgil told me how well I did in the last 2 rounds and that this was it. He told me to not do anything stupid to F this up. I listened and took more of a defensive approach in the 3rd round. I tried to slow things down because I was really tired and wanted to showcase more of my boxing but Erica was still pressing pretty hard. We were not slowing down, at all. I wish there was a count of punches thrown and landed in our fight because I honestly felt like it was so back and forth. There was 10 seconds left and I gave it all I had. The final bell rang. I wanted to collapse to the ground but I made it back to Virgil.

I won my fight that night but it was a hard, competitive and passionate fight. Erica and I have both worked so hard training for this night and through blood, sweat and tears- we put on a SHOW! I am so grateful that I was given this opportunity to begin with and to have fought such a worthy opponent.

Paul Alofs (President and CEO of The Princess Margaret) said to me that when I got punched in the face and my nose started bleeding, it was the perfect analogy of that moment when someone is told they have cancer. You can either take this news and hide or you can make cancer pay and really fight. I didn't back away. None of us did. All 10 fighters did just that. We were fighting for those who could not. We were fighting for hope and we were fighting to make a difference.

Paul Alofs was one of the first people to give me a big hug in his suit (even though my face was covered in blood) as I stepped out of the ring. I then felt like a real celebrity as my AMAZING cheering section came swarming over to me. My parents looked so proud and there were so many tears of happiness! It was a moment I will never forget.

I am so blessed and grateful to have experienced everything this experience had to offer. I went through every emotion possible and came out of this as a different person.
I have made so many long lasting relationships that I will cherish FOREVER and I am still floating around on a cloud that I hope lasts for a very long time. I am in love with my coaches, my fight team, my Kingsway family, my real family, my friends and complete strangers that came out on Saturday night. We were all there for one reason. We were there for the Fight to End Cancer and there is no way we are losing that fight.

"Are you nervous?"- Week 23/24

Are you nervous?—This seems to be the question that I’ve been asked over and over again the past couple of weeks… and the truth is, I have no idea!

I have never experienced so many feelings all at once that I can’t tell if my nerves have surfaced yet. I also feel like I have been living and breathing boxing that I rarely even have a moment to think.

I will admit that having our first meeting with Jen and Virgil this past weekend outlining exactly how the evening of the fight will play out, I did find myself more fidgety than usual. It’s weird to me that in less than a month, my loved ones and complete strangers will be watching me do something that I have been training for 7 months to do. That thought crossing my mind was a first… I know that this is a show, but I’ve been so caught up with learning the sport, that I forgot about the actual entertainment part.

Jen and Virgil tried to explain exactly how we would be feeling that night, how we will need to be in our own headspace and zone… whatever we need to do to get there, we need to do it! We need to focus..something that doesn't come super easy to me at all. In fact, maybe this is what I need to be FOCUSING on.

I’m going to stop myself there. I totally have more to write but I’m going to refrain from sharing too much as I need to keep my thoughts to myself at this point. I need to keep my cards close and have my every feeling, felt only by me.

With that in mind, I won't be blogging again until after the fight!

So, I'll leave you with this. Am I nervous? Perhaps. A little. But, my confidence is definitely outweighing my nerves at this point.

"I am healthy and strong and beautiful and so are you"- Week 22

It's taken a lot of time and obsessing for me to really accept the way I look. Body image has always been something that consumed my thoughts even from a very young age. I have always enjoyed life, and food has been a big part of that. I love eating... who doesn't? But, growing up, I remember wondering why I looked the way I did and others (girls specifically) looked so different.

I've always been athletic and I started playing soccer early in life. The muscles in my thighs developed very quickly and I found myself becoming more and more self conscious of them. I have always had to get a bigger pant size in my waist, simply to accommodate my legs. I would then obsess over the actual size on the label and turned jean shopping into a nightmare experience (sorry, Mum).

As I got older and understood what dieting really was, I tried them all. I dieted to change my appearance, I dieted to get "healthy" and I dieted to ensure I was the best athlete I could be. I put "healthy" in quotations because at the time, even up until a few years ago- I really didn't know what "healthy" was.

I used to associate "health" with the number on the scale. "How do I weigh this much? I must not be healthy."....NO, NO, NO.
I finally realized that WEIGHT IS JUST A NUMBER and labels on clothes are ALSO JUST NUMBERS. They mean absolutely nothing....

Exception: If you are fighting in a boxing match and your weight needs to be within 10 pounds of your opponent's, the number kind of matters. I didn't know that this was as strict a rule as it really is... if we don't meet this requirement, it's simple- we don't fight.

Most members of the fight team have lost weight from their initial weigh-in 6 months ago but I have gained weight. Our weight is too close for comfort and it's my job to lose a few pounds to ensure we're as equal as possible. I'm not going to lie, the thought of this really scared me at first. I hate the emphasis of the number on the scale in this situation because even though I have gained weight, I have never felt stronger or healthier in my life.  It is definitely not easy to limit what I am eating, especially with the amount I am training. I constantly require fuel, but with the right foods, I find I am completely satisfied! The more I workout, the more I also fear that I might be gaining more muscle and upping my weight on the scale but I can't focus too much on that. I am eating as healthy as possible and doing all that I can do.

I love the way my body looks right now and despite growing up thinking my legs were ugly and big, I fully embrace them and have never been more proud to have a "voluptuous" lower half! My legs are STRONG and they're providing me with balance and stability and I should also thank them for getting me where I need to be, every second of my life.

My body is exactly the way it is because that is how I was created. I no longer want to change a single thing about myself! I don't know if it's age or boxing that brought me to this epiphany but whatever it was, I wish I had this knowledge and love for myself as far back as I can remember.

I am healthy and strong and beautiful and SO ARE YOU. Believe that. Confidence is the prettiest accessory you can wear.

What.The.F*$%.- Week 21

What.The.F*S%.

I knew this day was coming... I had been warned about it by some of the past FTEC fighters... the day that we would get in the ring against Virgil. I never really thought anything of it and with my confidence building each day, I thought it couldn't be THAT bad.

I WAS WRONG.

'Shocking' is the best way I could describe what went down yesterday. How could Virgil, this beautiful, amazing, NICE man who I thought was my FRIEND turn into this evil villain and punch me THAT hard SO many times in the face? SHOCK. How rude.

I had to wait my turn as I watched him basically beat up everyone that went before me.  I took a few deeps breaths, gave myself an actual pep talk in the mirror and reluctantly stepped into the ring. I was asking Sasa (my corner coach for this fight) so many questions just to delay this from actually happening. I honestly can't even explain to you how it all went down because I forgot every single thing I've ever been taught thus far in boxing. The first two minutes surprisingly went by fairly quickly and I was sitting in my corner, with Sasa in front of me giving me water as my tears came FLOWING down my cheeks. He asked if I wanted to stop and I asked him to wipe my tears off my face. I was ready for round two. The next two rounds went by slower than the first one but I felt like I stood my ground a little better than I did initially. I was focused and out of the 'survival mode' I fell into right off the bat.

Finally, I was done and still standing- until I raced to the bathroom and fell to the floor in full on hysterics. Come on, of course I cried. I have NEVER felt anything like this before. Physically, I was fine, I was just emotionally drained from six long minutes. So many different thoughts were entering and exiting my brain. I didn't even know what to think.

What I do know is I am SO thankful that so many of my 'crazy' Kingsway Boxing family have and just did go through the exact same experience I did. I wasn't alone. I mean, maybe some of the guys didn't outwardly show their feelings like I did, but I could sense their tears building up...just wanting to be set free. I had the best talks with some amazing people who finally calmed me down after this insane experience. Thank you guys, you know who you are. :)

Now, sitting here feeling like an actual truck ran over me, I have a whole new set of emotions. I am BEYOND proud of myself. I made it through three full rounds with a MAN who is big, strong and an experienced and amazing boxer who also knows exactly how I fight. OF COURSE he was going to beat me up!
My weaknesses became VERY obvious to me and I am already working on them every time I pass a mirror in my condo. I am a boxer and I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am surprising myself!

I didn't realize coming into this entire experience, how much it was going to change me. I had the opportunity to take this stand and chose to knock cancer out and I'm doing it for those who weren't and won't be given that choice.

Today I am feeling strong, motivated, powerful and amazing.

Side note: Jenn and David came to my work on Thursday to film The Princess Margaret's President & CEO, Paul Alofs and to get some funny little clips of me, hard at work! I can't wait to see how everything comes together!! It was such a fun afternoon!

Have a great week, people and don't forget to take a minute and acknowledge how amazing you are every once in a while!

PS Check out these amazing pics by Nicholas Theodorou taken on Easter Weekend from our video shoot!

"What am I going to think about after this?" -Week 19 & 20

It is April 6th today... that means there is 53 days left until the fight.... pardon? I can't even deal. Not to mention there is even less time before I have to get up on that stage in front of the media and step onto a scale.. what woman would ever consciously say they want to do that? NOT ME. But I'll survive.

It's insane that in less than 2 months, this is all going to be over. What am I going to do with my life? What am I going to think about after this?

Here is a little recap of the amazingness that is being a fighter in FTEC:

1. You learn a completely new sport (and actually get pretty good at it if you put in the time).

2. You get to be part of the coolest photo shoots! I know some people  might not love this but regardless of your comfort in front of a camera, the entire day spent with the FTEC team and all of the amazing individuals behind the success of the event was a day I will never forget. Team bonding at its best!

3. No matter what I have going on in my personal life, sometimes the most difficult experiences- I know that I can show up at the gym, no judgement and no questions asked and completely escape from the real world. (That feeling I get when I'm on the soccer field is now the same feeling I have when I'm in the ring)

4. You gain a new family- I was handed the most badass family of anyone around- my coaches, my fellow FTEC team and every single individual at the gym that puts in so much time and lots of sweat to help us prepare for the big day. They may be swinging hard at our bodies and faces but in the end- they do it because they love us.

5. You get to be part of something so much bigger than you could have ever imagined... Seriously, when would I have ever had the opportunity to train for 7 months for a BOXING match? I have been watching boxing on TV and I'm like.."Oh my God... I'm doing what?!" But IT'S SO COOL. Not only am I boxing, but I am raising money for CANCER RESEARCH. I am fighting for those who can't. Why wouldn't I do this?

Now, I know that the above list sounds pretty amazing... at least it does to me and I am so lucky to have experienced it all, but you all know if you've read any of my blog posts that this journey is NOT EASY. Here is a list of some of the things that go through my head on a regular basis:

1."Wait, why am I doing this?"
2. "I hate boxing."
3. "I LOVE BOXING!"
4. "I can't believe he hit me so hard in the face."
5. "Why isn't he trying hard with me?"
6. "Why doesn't she hit me harder? Does she not think I can take it?"
7. "He must not think I'm very good."
8. "Virgil put me with all the guys because he thinks I'm good enough"
9. "Virgil took me out of the ring with all the guys because he doesn't think I'm good enough"
10. "I'm the best boxer EVER"

BUT, no matter what my thought process was that day and as you can see, it goes up and down and all over the place... my lasting thought is that I am obsessed with everything this experience has offered me.
I love going to the gym, I love getting in the ring, I love texting Virgil on a regular basis to annoy him because he said we can text him at any time of any day and he'd respond (and he always does!) and I love the people I have met and grown so close to.

I am SUPER excited for all the excitement to continue to build all the way to FIGHT NIGHT but I am SO sad because I don't want this to end!!!!

Thank you to my entire Kingsway Family and everyone that has been part of my journey. This is something that I will NEVER EVER EVER EVERRRRRR forget.

AND- thank you to all of my donors, friends and family for sponsoring me in this fight! I am just short of $6000! If you can and would like to support me, you can follow this link: http://www.fighttoendcancer.com/fighters/

"So, to wrap it up and make a long story short, I had the best and worst week." Week 18

"Life's not about how hard of a hit you can give...it's about how many you can take, and still keep moving forward." - Rocky

Thanks, Rocky for the words of encouragement. I needed them this week...not figuratively about life, but about literal, hard punches....
I showed up to the gym this week ready to gradually get back into the workouts post back injury. I could tell I was favouring my back a little bit through some of the exercises and despite feeling good, I didn't allow myself to stay for the second class of the night on Tuesday. I didn't want to push it (another major growth moment for me). I left that evening with my head held high. "Yes! I'm back" is what I thought to myself or maybe said out loud.

I then arrived at the gym on Thursday. I felt "off", not just at Kingsway, but throughout my entire day. My focus wasn't there and it was just one of those days when I could have just laid in bed under the covers and not speak to a single person for hours (am I the only one that has these days?).
Anyways, I obviously had to be a big girl and go to work and then race to the gym and soccer after....on Thursdays, I have no time to rest.
The traffic was terrible getting to the gym that evening (of course) and I arrived late. I did a quick round of skipping and jumped right into the ring. I immediately knew this was not going to end well. Mentally, at least for me, I can sense how I am going to perform, in anything that I do. I was right.

I was sparring against Shireen (a tough opponent) and I couldn't get my footwork down.. she was hitting me, A LOT and I swear I blinked and had a shot coming straight for my right cheek making full contact and sending my neck back, feeling intense whiplash. I stopped, turned around and burst into tears. It was a shock, it hurt and because of the emotional state I had been in that day, I kind of took that punch personally. Every one continued sparring around me and I felt like I was a little child standing in a 'time-out' in the corner of the ring. I thought to myself "why is no one coming to see how I'm doing?" and then I realized that Virgil was standing there, staring at me, letting me be, to see exactly what I would do next.... I walked back over to Shireen and with tears still streaming down my face, I continued fighting. I fully took advantage of our 2 minute water break and had a great cry in the bathroom, wiped away my tears, put my gloves back on and waited to be matched up against my next opponent. I felt proud of myself for this and slightly embarrassed but whatever, people cry so we can get over it, right? I think had I decided to stop fighting, then and there, I would have been terrified to step back into the ring at a later date.

Which brings me to Saturday...with conditioning class complete, I was waiting for the FTEC class to start at 10:30am. T.J told us to get our head gear, mouth guard and gloves on. I was definitely still scared but I suited up and my mental game was ON. I actually had a pep talk with myself prior to stepping into the ring and I've never felt better. I was defending, moving, landing punches and was able to absorb and put all the coaches suggestions into action. It was amazing! For the first time, everything felt natural to me. I no longer thought about every combination I was going to throw or which way I should slip to get out of the way of what punch might come next... I just knew, right then in the moment, what I was supposed to do. WHAT A REVELATION!

So, to wrap it up and make a long story short, I had the best and worst week. Now I know how it feels to have intense mood swings!

PS I received so many amazing donations this week to bring my fundraising total to over $4700! I am just over $1000 short of my goal! Thank you to everyone who donated! If you would like to help me fight to end cancer, please visit www.fighttoendcancer.ca .

PPS Our photoshoot pics were finally released this week and I LOVE them. If you haven't seen them, I added them below!

Love you all! :)

'The straw that broke the camel's back'- Week 17

"I like to call moments like this, personal growth" was a text I received from Virgil this week. I was explaining to him that after I injured my back doing a burpee in his class last weekend, that I would not be coming back to train until I felt 100%.

*Side note: If my weak ankles are any indication of the rest time I usually allow myself before I get back on the soccer field after I sprain or fracture them, it's evident that I rarely listen to my body.

Rewind to last Saturday morning when I stood up from one of the hundreds of burpees it felt like we did during an early morning cardio class. I jumped down into push up position and when I popped back up to stand, something happened. I couldn't stand up straight and there was no way I could continue class. I have never had any issues with my back so this was a new feeling and injury for me. I felt panicked (especially because I watched Million Dollar Baby the night before...depressing) and immediately felt stressed that this was the worst thing to happen and there's no way I can miss a training class or any of my daily workouts. My first thought was - I'm just going to have to work through the pain.

No, no, no. Wrong.

Fast forward to today- I haven't done any sort of physical activity since I hurt my back and it's the best thing I could have done. I have very little pain now, unless I am sitting for too long in a weird position but compared to how I was feeling earlier in the week, I feel like a million bucks!

I saw a chiropractor suggested to me by Jenn and Virgil and it made all the difference. She immediately let me know that my joint in my back lost function when I did that burpee. It wasn't necessarily that one burpee that did it but it acted as 'the straw that broke the camel's back' (see what I did there).  She gave me the real doctor term called "acute sacroiliac joint dysfunction" and also gave me some advice as to how I can prevent this from happening again with some stretches and changing the way I sleep. Any stomach sleepers out there... you need to sleep on your back or side (I don't know how that's comfortable but I'm trying really hard).

I am feeling strong both physically and mentally and I should be back at the gym this week! I feel rejuvenated and I CAN'T WAIT to get in the ring!

Like I've said before, this sport is SO mental. I'd like to think that the way I've been training my brain through this entire process has taught me how to really listen to my body. I would much rather sit out for a good chunk of time, then to come back prematurely and hurt myself further and be worse off than the initial injury.

Yay for learning and maturing! :) Go me!

Don't worry, Erica- I'll see you soon! :)

"You can ACTUALLY do anything you set your mind to!"- Week 15 & 16

With just under 3 months to go, the Fight to End Cancer continues to creep up on me. Certain things are starting to matter less to me, while others I can't keep out of my mind. It's crazy how my priorities have completely shifted and my whole world is revolved around this fight. I eat, sleep, (work) and box- with very little time for anything else and I can honestly say, I wouldn't have it any other way. Being part of this experience is important to me. It has given me an outlet to express myself both physically and mentally. I can be my complete and authentic self when I walk through the gym doors and I have no doubt that I was put in this situation for a reason.

Last weekend, I had the privilege to work with so many creative and unique individuals at the official FTEC 2015 photo shoot. It was a magical day. Not only was I loving acting as a model, getting my hair and makeup done and touched up ALL DAY LONG, but I enjoyed finally getting to know all the other brave souls who have signed up along side me for this opportunity of a lifetime. I have really come to realize that my first impressions of people (I know I shouldn't make quick judgements, but I do!) are VERY wrong.  This isn't a negative observation by any means but you learn a lot about someone when you're sitting in a green room with them for hours and hours compared to focused and training at the gym. Each fighter has something different to bring to the table and I truly feel like we are such an amazing team, even though we all have our opponents sitting right there next to us.
I was on such a high leaving the photo shoot and just wanted to hang out with every one, all the time! Hopefully my fellow fighters felt the same way about me... :)
Not only did I have the best time with the FTEC fight team, I was also amazed and blown away by the organization and support shown by all those that work behind the scenes of this event. If this photo shoot day is any indication as to how the fight night will roll out, everyone is in for a treat! I can't WAIT.

*Like 'Fight to End Cancer' on Facebook and check out behind the scenes photos and videos by clicking here.

I can hardly contain my excitement for the next few months but I don't want them to go by too fast either. I already feel depressed thinking about my life without this to look forward to- it's going to be such a bore! This entire experience has been an intense roller coaster ride and right now, I'm definitely on a high even with my slight set back during class yesterday morning with a minor back injury(from a burpee). I still feel great! My confidence is building after every class I attend and like I said in my last post- my focus is on point. I can identify what I need to work on and I can easily spot other people's strengths and weaknesses as well... this is crazy to me because 4 short months ago, I didn't even know how to throw a simple punch. Not to sound too cliche but you can ACTUALLY do anything you set your mind to!!

I hope you all have the best week and thank you for riding on this roller coaster with me!

"Maybe she has been by my side this entire time"- Week 14

On Friday morning, I attended a funeral for my old soccer coach, Monique. Monique was 49 years old and died of cancer. She was a beautiful woman, both inside and out and had a contagious personality. She was someone that you always wanted to be around. As a young soccer star, running and endurance was not my forte. I could never get my conditioning up to par with the rest of the team and I worked extremely hard on it. I would dread the thought of going on team runs as I knew this meant I would be trailing behind and holding back anyone that stayed with me. On a particular run, leaving Shell Park in Oakville and running along Lakeshore, Monique fell back to run with me and stuck by my side the entire time. It felt like we were on a run by ourselves as the rest of the team had taken off. Monique spoke to me the entire run with words of encouragement and I remember thinking that it was crazy that she was able to even speak while running- she must be in amazing shape! We spoke about a lot of different things, Monique mostly spoke and I listened, blurting out a few words through deep breaths and my pace gradually got quicker. We did our loop, never stopped to walk and completed the run, not too long after the rest of the team had finished. I felt proud and grateful. I was proud of myself for accomplishing something that I never thought I could and I was grateful to have Monique by my side both literally and figuratively. I wanted to struggle through this run to prove to myself that I could, and I wanted to do it for Monique. I'll never forget that moment.

This week, and until May 30th, I will be doing something else for Monique. I will be fighting for her. Monique helped me achieve something that I never thought possible so many years ago. When I started boxing in November, it felt a little bit like those team runs- impossible. But since then, working with countless individuals at the gym, giving me so many words of encouragement and being by my side, I have already accomplished SO much more than I could have ever imagined. I officially feel like a boxer. Correction, I am a boxer.

Training this week has been one of my best weeks yet. I honestly felt something change inside me, like a light bulb turned on unexpectedly and my focus is on point. It's at the gym and no where else. Even when I'm not at the gym, my focus is still there. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what changed, but I'm just going to go with it.
I got punched too many times in the face this week BUT I also defended many more punches than I usually do. I didn't feel like I was going to cry or like I was wanting to kill anyone that I was fighting against and I stepped out of the ring with my head held high.

My confidence (for right now) is high (I guess this is one of my "high" weeks) and I feel the way I did when I returned back from that run about 15 years ago with Monique by my side...
Come to think of it, maybe she has been by my side this entire time.

Rest in peace, Monique.

Oakville Sting in Italy- Monique is fourth from the left, back row.

"If I look like I'm going to cry or giving you a death stare...ignore it."- Week 13

This week has had its up and downs both in and out of the gym. My workouts at the gym have all kind of jumbled together into one and I can't quite remember which days are which...all I know is that there was a lot of sparring. For the most part, I felt great! I would come out of the ring and think about how I was able to defend most of the punches, well... enough for me to still have confidence. I definitely got punched numerous times by numerous different people, but I survived! I don't think I'm very good at hiding my emotions with my facial expressions and I got the sense that anyone that talked or looked at me knew at some points that I was raging mad and so frustrated. It's almost like I take getting punched, personally, which is actually comical when I admit that out loud. In the rotation of each opponent coming at me, you have to be able to quickly adjust to how that person is going to fight against you.. their stance will be different, their punches will be harder and their pace will be slower. I get irritated when some people stand in front of me and can just kill me. It's like everything I've ever learned has just flown out the window and I'm standing there as a completely open target. Having to stand there and defend punches without throwing any back is all about what is happening inside your head. It really is crazy how MENTAL this sport is. You need to focus on your opponent and only your opponent. This sport has also made me feel mental at times.

So- to my Kingsway family, if I look like I'm going to cry or am giving you a death stare when you're whaling punches at me- ignore it! And if I tell you that I didn't like you so much that night (sorry Mark & Peter), it really means that I just don't like that you were able to punch me in every possible spot on my body and I wasn't able to defend anything. I really actually love you guys! :)

The FTEC team was also given the task this week to SHOP. Me? Shop? Umm ok!!

We needed to get a gown that we will wear at the gala before our fight, but we need it for the official Fight to End Cancer photo shoot on March 1st AND there were stipulations. Erica and I needed to get a dark red dress (we were sent a colour swatch) and we need it by February 24th. This doesn't seem like a super difficult task but it was actually hard, even for me, a professional shopper!

I had the day off on Friday so my Mum and I scooted over to Buffalo to shop. I found the PERFECT dress, the first one I tried on and I instantly bought it. With my cell reception in the states, it was hard to send Jenn a picture of the dress before I bought it to get her approval. When she finally saw the picture she said the red colour was TOO light. NOOOOOO. I was so sad. So, I agreed to continue to shop. I asked my girlfriend, Jessica to meet me in Burlington to help me look on Saturday and we were having NO luck. We finally popped into a little boutique store and TA-DA! SUCCESS! It was approved by Jenn, and I LOVE it! Thanks to my Mum for taking the other dress back to Buffalo for me- you're the BEST EVER- LOVE YOU!

Through all the physical and mental training, it's nice to have something different to look forward to! I don't know about the rest of the FTEC team, but I can't wait for this photo shoot! We even get our hair and makeup done. We get to be models for the day! Yay!

Everything seems to be coming together... training has definitely ramped up- or I have just told myself it needs to, so I'm working that extra bit harder and running that extra few kilometres. My nutrition has been pretty good for the most part, I am freeing my life from anything negative or what I feel is a waste of time and I am focused. I know why I'm doing this and I was reminded of this reason in the worst possible way. I found out that the lady I spoke about in one of my earlier blog posts, my old soccer coach, died. Heaven gained another angel yesterday and she was taken from us too soon. I know she is at peace now. My heart feels heavy and I'll carry it with me to the gym this week. She didn't lose any fight to cancer, she died of this terrible disease. 

We need to continue to fight for those that can't. If you are able to donate to my fight, you can do so by clicking here.

Love you all.

"You shouldn't get a headache from this"- Week 11 and 12

"You shouldn't get a headache from this, your head might just feel weird or different." Words spoken by Mr. Virgil Barrow.

.......I might not have a headache but I definitely feel like I've been hit by a train....I woke up at 11:30am this morning and went for an afternoon nap at 1:00pm. Training is definitely picking up!

February 7, 2015 marks the first day that I strapped on my head gear, laced up my new boxing shoes and stepped into the ring to get my first hit to the head (and multiple hits following that one). I wasn't able to fight back- only defend myself. You cannot even imagine how frustrating this exercise is. The entire 2015 FTEC team was in the ring on defence,  lined up against boxing veterans and 2014 FTEC team members, anticipating punches coming flying at our faces, intending to hit us. I was terrified.....

Rewind back a couple weeks when Virgil mentioned that we were going to be making contact and that I needed to purchase a head gear... Pardon me? How has this day already come?

I had an initial freak out in my mind, asked myself why I was doing this (for the 100000 time) and then calmed down. My next move was to tell everyone I knew, that I was going to be getting punched in the head for the first time! I thought it sounded pretty badass (excuse my language). And it totally is!

I was excited to get to the boxing store and shop (I love to spend money- sorry future husband).  My experience at Beatdown Sports was a good one. I would have loved to have been able to hear what the guy at the store was thinking when he saw me walk in and say "I'm looking for a head gear thing or whatever..." to which he laughed and said "A head gear?" and then I proceeded to ask him if he had any in the colour pink...He couldn't contain his laughter in front of me... BUT it got me a free pair of pink boxing shorts! Yesss!! How cute are they?

I left the store with a black head gear, black Asics boxing shoes and my new shorts of course. :) Thanks Beatdown Sports!

I got to the gym on Saturday morning having had the most restless sleep the night before and felt SO nervous for what was in store for us. I was excited to get into the ring and really experience how it all feels with my equipment on, but when I saw Jane, Dawn, Rob and Mark waiting on the sidelines ready to take us on, my entire body was flooded with the most intense emotion. All I was thinking was "I don't want to get hit in the head." This gave me ALL the motivation I needed to really focus on the task at hand and defend, defend, defend.

Virgil had us stand in a circle and hit ourselves in the head to take away the initial shock of someone else hitting us for the first time. I felt so weird standing there punching myself but I think it actually helped. The first hit was still a shock but our opponents were definitely not winding up and giving us their most powerful shots either.

For the most part, the hour class was successful. I got hit multiple times but I learned a lot about my style and technique and things I definitely need to work on. I think I know what my strength will be but I'm not about to disclose this to Erica (my opponent)!

I got really frustrated with Virgil who was OBVIOUSLY only trying to help me and proceeded to apologize profusely to him afterwards. He claims he "gets" me now, so maybe that needed to happen.

All in all, I left the gym on Saturday feeling good! No tears and limited frustration.

I got home, took a shower and fell into bed for a good chunk of the afternoon. I am ready for the next three + months to consist of A LOT of hard work and naps.

Talk to you next week!

'Ring that Bell'- Week 10

'Ring that Bell' is what I read on the cake as I walked into the chemo clinic this week. I was there to celebrate the final chemo treatment for a woman I had just met the week before... I arrived just in time to see the final countdown of the medication drip taking it's last drop and clapping and celebrating with a family so full of hope. I took a few deep breaths and held back my tears and really took everything in...

For the past three years, working for The Princess Margaret - I have walked around the cancer centre countless times but never actually stepped foot inside the chemo clinic. I can't really say I pictured it looking any specific way but it looked like I thought it would. I sat across from this amazing woman and watched as the nurse detached her from the machines and set her 'free' from the tubes and wires. I got chills and wanted to burst into tears of happiness when I saw the smile on her face as she hugged her arm that had just received the medication. We waited for her doctor to arrive to share in the bell ringing moment. She sprung out of her chair, and marched over with determination to the large bell in the hallway (this bell is rang when you have completed your final chemo treatment). It was something I will never forget! I was so grateful to have been invited to be part of such a special moment and I can't even begin to explain all of the other emotions that flooded through me as I left this woman and her support system. She is SO strong.

I've been thinking about this all week and took this experience with me to the gym every night. I thought about my fight when I was with her and I thought about her when I was training to fight. 

This week in training, footwork seems to have been the theme. We worked on moving our feet on offence and defence and quick footwork to step into a few punches and then get the heck out of there before your opponent has a chance to hit back. Let me tell you, this stuff is hard! 

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

In our almost 2 hour class, Jenn took us through drills, using the rope ladder on the ground and looking in the mirror to mimic and help us visualize stepping into your opponent, throwing a few punches and getting out with a jab. We lined up and went over this again and again. I felt great! "This is easy", "I've got this." Fast forward an hour when I have Jane (FTEC 2014 fighter) standing in front of me. Jenn tells us to use what we JUST learned and step into our opponent and throw the punches and get out... My mind goes blank and I have NO idea what I am doing. I try and try and think I'm doing okay until Jenn comes over and completely shuts me down. Perfect. 

Jenn has a tough love approach and I both love and hate it. I hate it because it puts those negative thoughts I talked about last week back in my head but I love it because I know she is only being this tough because she knows I can do this... because I can do this, obvs (short form for obviously)! I just need to continue to tell myself that I cannot be perfect, in the sport of boxing or ever. I need to remember that there won't be time on fight night to make sure that every technique and foot positioning is just right. All I can do is remember everything I have been taught and know that whatever comes my way, I will have the knowledge to react to it in a close to perfect way. :)

When May 30th rolls around, I know that I will have every bit of confidence to step into that ring and box, for real. Physically and mentally, I will be ready for them to 'ring that bell'.

Stay tuned for next week! :)

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

"I am doing this because I know that I can." - Week 9

Winter Fight Camp- COMPLETE.
From the very first day I committed myself to Fight to End Cancer (FTEC), I knew that on January 17th, it was mandatory that I take part in a full day fight camp dedicated to teaching the rookies (and refreshing the veterans) on every technique/rule needed to box and compete. I arrived early Saturday morning at the gym ready for a FULL day of boxing.  We were taken through many drills to teach us the basics and foundation of this sport and once we had all those down, we got into the ring for some sparring (nothing too intense) to put to use what we had just learned. I was partnered with Kate (a former FTEC fighter) and she was an amazing teacher to me. If you know me at all, you know that I NEED some kind of positive reinforcement so I know what I'm doing is correct and to give me that little added confidence boost. Kate was the perfect partner for this! When I would counter and defend her punches, the slightest nod of encouragement was all that I needed. Thanks Kate :)

I felt really good about everything we learned and even though there was SO much information to take in, I think (and hope) that I absorbed it all, or most of it!
I was exhausted leaving the gym at 5PM after 6.5 hours of training but it was the best I've felt to date pulling out of the Kingsway Boxing Club parking lot.

This was a much different feeling than I had leaving the gym on Thursday night this week. It's so interesting and crazy to me that I am doing what I am doing. I have never boxed before, I am doing strenuous training to get myself into shape over the course of 7+ months and I am actually going to fight against someone in a ring, in front of hundreds of people. WHAT?!
Most days when leaving the gym, I am feeling so motivated and amazing after such a good workout and I feel so high on life, but occasionally I leave the gym with thoughts like "why am I doing this?", "I'm never going to break that bad habit", "I suck", "what if I lose my fight?" and other thoughts that are SO negative and very unlike me. These lead to thoughts of, "why am I doing something that is making me feel so down about myself?" and it's a whole vicious cycle. For the most part, I keep these thoughts to myself because I don't want to admit that I feel this way as that might be seen as a weakness, but I can't hide it anymore! I know that anyone who has ever challenged themselves and put themselves in a situation that is so foreign and uncomfortable has had or will have these thoughts and, well, I'm human.

It's insane how a new sport or task that is placed in front of you can evoke SO many different feelings and emotions. On Thursday night after a full class with Virgil doing one defending drill the entire time, I took off my gloves and packed up my bag to leave and expressed to Virgil (with excitement) that that was a great class and I felt so comfortable and I finally think I'm getting it! His response, with no words and a simple 'look' made my mood change in a split second. He told me my movements were very mechanical and predictable......PARDON?! I know he had the best intentions by telling me this as he is my coach and needs to be honest but I was so sad, upset and confused. I wanted to stay and chat about this but had to run out as I was late for my soccer game.
I got to soccer and ran right onto the field and instantly felt at peace. Soccer has been a sport that I picked up so naturally as a little girl. I've been playing for almost 20 years and when I play, I feel like I am floating on a cloud. Your whole world and every thought is about the game and what you need to do and there isn't time to think about anything else. It's heavenly. There are different techniques and runs that we are taught, but after all these years playing, I don't have to think about any of these 'rules' and it's the most natural feeling.

As I left soccer that night and drove back from Burlington to Toronto- I had time to think. I realized that no one is going to start something new and be perfect at it right away and it's going to take time. I understand and am aware that I am a perfectionist and only want to be the best at everything I do. I understand that I am NOT going to be the best boxer in the world. I understand that it's natural to have negative feelings about how you're progressing and feeling upset about certain things when they don't come as easily to you. I know that I can't suppress these negative thoughts and feelings and need to be vocal about them to my coaches and anyone that will listen because it's not good to keep those kinds of thoughts to yourself. I also see now how mental the sport of boxing is. I realize that there is so much that I don't know and so much that I have to learn and just because something doesn't 'click' right away, I will get there.

So, why am I doing what I'm doing? I am fighting for everyone and anyone that has or will be diagnosed with cancer. I am fighting for people who would give anything to be ABLE to train and be part of a boxing match. I am doing this to challenge myself and I am doing this because I know that I can.

Win or lose? I believe that I have already won.

It's a new year - Week 8

Happy New Year!

This time last week, I was basking in the sun in Jamaica as my trip came to an end. It was an unreal break and holiday and I'm so glad I took that time for myself to really immerse myself into the Jamaican culture and get some much needed rest and relaxation. I know I am in for a huge undertaking now that the fight is only five short months away.

I can't say my first week back at the gym was the most strenuous as I was just getting back into the swing of things and had some work commitments on nights that I should've been at the gym- but I managed to get in there on Tuesday and Saturday. I was feeling slightly under the weather but I pushed through and made sure I got a few workouts in.
It felt great to be back at the gym and to see my family after a few weeks! I was struggling. I'll admit it, and it didn't feel great to have Virgil point that out to me a few times either...

This Saturday was the first week that an hour was dedicated solely to the fight team. This will continue now until the big day! I got to the gym early to get the conditioning class in and then stuck around with the rest of my fight team to work with Virgil on some technical skills. We spent the entire hour working on the most basic techniques as a mini refresher after the restful holiday season. I appreciated this!

I then stuck around after 3 hours of sweating, for our first Fight Team meeting to go over some administrative details. There was lots to cover but we got through it all and it made me so excited and so nervous for event day!

Next week is time to really pick up my training and get my nutrition back to the way it was prior to the break! No more slacking!

Stay tuned!

"Life is so fragile and unpredictable"- Week 7 (last post of 2014)

It hit me last night when I was immersed in a room of my new family, some of the best and nicest people I have ever met, that Fight to End Cancer 2015 is just over FIVE MONTHS AWAY. What?
For some reason, when I started training, seven months sounded like an eternity and it hadn't quite and still hasn't fully hit me that I will be stepping into a boxing ring and opening myself up to being hit in the face. I won't literally be opening myself up because my face will be covered of course, but you know what I mean.
Five months away? If those days and weeks go by as fast as the first two months did...this fight will be here in no time. AHH

I walked around the Kingsway Boxing Christmas Party last night and chatted with all the familiar faces I see at the gym every day. It was amazing and I could not feel more fortunate to 1. have met this incredible group of people in the first place (thanks Kelly) and 2. to be in the position that so much advice and support was offered to me for this crazy journey that I have only dipped my toes into. The New Year is just around the corner and I am ready to fully dive head first into the intense training- both physically and mentally. I am mostly excited and slightly nervous to see what 2015 has in store for me. I know it's going to be good.

Photo (L to R): Jennifer Huggins, Kelly Dickinson and Me

So, let me talk about my last week of training (in actual classes at the gym) of 2014. Yet again, it was a tough one. This week was FULL of tears. I don't know if boxing has somehow made me a really emotional person or if recently I have just been put in, or heard about really sad situations, but regardless, the tears were flowing (I swear, I'm not usually a crier- right, Mum?).

I'll break it down:

Gym
The workouts were exhausting and I had my first "injury". I was going into the conditioning class after an already long Tuesday night technical class with Jenn and in the middle of one of my burpees, I felt a tweak in my neck that shot down my shoulder and back. I immediately stopped and told Jenn, who instructed me to step out of the workout, got me some ice and made me sit there while everyone continued on. This is torture to me and reminds me of any time I've had to sit on the bench for soccer and how badly I want to be back in the game, but I knew this was for the best. She told me to go home and to take a rest for a few days. This was a learning moment for me- in my head I was thinking "Ya, that's not happening- I'm waking up for a run in the morning" but quickly decided to oblige solely based on how adamant she was. I can honestly admit that I'm not one that listens to my body as much as I should. I have this fear that I'm going to miss out on something and try to speed up recovery time whenever I have any kind of injury. I know this is not going to fly with Jenn and Virgil and in the sport of boxing as a whole.
I took a break on Wednesday and was back at the gym on Thursday (I swear my neck felt perfect). This night in particular, Virgil saw the tears welling up in my eyes because I couldn't get my footing right. I just could NOT get it and my brain was working in overdrive trying to focus on not getting hit in the face, throwing the right punch and making sure the way my feet were moving was proper (especially because I could see Virgil's eye fixed on them for an entire sparring round). I yelled at him to stop staring at me and continued on in my frustrated state where nothing got accomplished because I was then just focused on how frustrated I was. It was a vicious cycle! I held in my tears... until I got to my car. :)

Side note- I got cleared medically to actually fight! Time to start shopping for a pink headgear- just kidding (kind of)!

Work
This week I put on an event at the Princess Margaret Cancer Centre to bring some holiday cheer and joy into the lives of our youngest patients. The Children's Holiday Party is a time for children who are being treated at The Princess Margaret or whose parents or guardians are treated there to gather together, make some crafts, decorate cookies, get some tattoos or their face painted and receive a special gift from Santa. This event is one that I am so grateful to have in my portfolio. It's so nice to chat with the parents and play with the children and it's one of those moments that you stop to recognize and really put your life into perspective. The little things that I wake up in the morning and think are a big deal, ARE NOT. These children and their families exude hope and for two hours, I get to watch these amazing children run around, with the biggest smiles on their faces and I experience what true strength really looks like. Life is so so precious.
I went back to the office and here we go again... tears.

Personal
I'm not going to get into the full details of this one, but trust me when I say, it's been a hard week filled with many emotions on a personal level.

BUT, with everything that has happened this week and over the past couple of months, I have learned to be so grateful for everything that I have. I have my health, the absolute best family and friends, a NEW amazing boxing family and a job where I work every day to conquer cancer in our lifetime. Take the time to think about everything that YOU are grateful for and remember these things as you move through your day to day life.

At this time of year especially, hug your loved ones and let them know how much they mean to you! Life is so fragile and unpredictable.

Whatever holiday you celebrate, I wish you all the very best as you surround yourself with family and friends!

Love you all and thanks again for your support. See you in the New Year!

xo Paige

"Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy." - Week 6

I am a worrier. There, I said it. If I try to give someone a call or send them a text and expect to hear something back from them and do not, I panic. I get myself into a crazy headspace and instantly think the absolute worst, trick my brain into believing it's true and stalk this person in every possible way I can think of to try and figure out where they are. I know where this stems from and I am aware of it, however it's something that I have not been able to change no matter how hard I try. I apologize to any of the poor individuals that have been on the end of one of my worrying fits (you know who you are) and I swear, I'm not really a stalker. I'm working on this!

This brings me to my next point. When I am given a piece of information or advice, good or bad- I usually take the time to fully think about it, let it sink in, process the information and then decide how I feel about it. In most cases- I (of course) worry. I take things personally when they're not to be taken that way at all and I try and figure out a way to fix it. I worry about my family and friends and I always want to be there to help fix a problem they might have or help out in any way I can. So, you can imagine how difficult it might be to "fix" a cancer diagnosis given to someone so close to me who I love so much. This week, I had to face this head on. I was given the news, took some time to process it and felt a wide range of emotions. I sat in my bed for a good hour before I decided to pick up the phone and give this woman a call. The woman on the other end of the phone seemed so put together and hopeful and amazing! I am sure she is nervous and worried but I didn't hear it in her voice. She told me not to worry  about her (which we now know is an inevitable emotion I am 100% going to feel) and she also told me to FIGHT for her and punch someone in the face FOR HER. That's it! That is how I am going to help! I can't physically help with the treatment and I'm not a researcher who can find a cure BUT I am a boxer, who was given this amazing opportunity to FIGHT TO END CANCER. I am fighting for YOU.

I became more motivated than ever and couldn't wait to get to the gym on Monday night to work on everything I have learned so far. I felt so focused and determined to figure out my strengths and weaknesses and I did just that. I can easily point out what it is I need to work on and what I can improve on to make my strong points even stronger. I can't tell you exactly what those are in case my opponent is reading this (Hi Erica)! :)

I let myself feel frustration and annoyance and almost had myself in tears at points of this class because it was bothering me that I couldn't break a bad habit or figure out how to do certain things that I so desperately wanted to be able to do. However, leaving the gym on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday this week, (my body doesn't like me today) I felt rejuvenated and overwhelmed by the support I was receiving from almost everyone at the gym who could see how frustrated I was getting during a specific sparring exercise built around letting us know with a "gentle" tap, when we would be open and getting punched in the face in a real fight (not my finest moment). But, I can't worry about one class and I have to focus on how I am going to improve and be better. This is a process and I am only in the beginning stages. I have lots to learn!

"Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy." I MUST remember this!

I am not naive to the fact that there are many scary things that people hear everyday and worrying about them is a natural emotion. But, for me, taking note and now admitting to the world that my worrying is "next level" crazy, is my first step to taking a deep breath and realizing that I am only hurting myself and possibly missing out on the beauty of life while I am having nervous breakdowns when I can't get ahold of someone.

So, to my loved one (who shall remain nameless) and anyone that is fighting cancer or any kind of illness- I am fighting for you. Your strength and positive outlook will be a key to your recovery and I honestly am NOT worried. Everything is going to be okay and this will be something we all look back on down the road and smile for everything it will teach us. I will punch harder and faster and move out of the way of the incoming punches quicker, with you in mind.

To my boxing family, thank you for keeping me going and for always being there to offer me support, tips and tricks that I greatly appreciate! Special shout out to Megan who I am obsessed with seeing at the gym. This little girl is such a precious, sweet child who I instantly feel happy seeing. A child's innocence and carefree attitude is so refreshing to see and a reminder to be like that.

PLEASE keep my loved one in your thoughts and prayers- especially in the upcoming weeks AND if you want to think of a way that you can help, please support me in this literal fight and anyone you know who has their own fight to win by clicking here.

Love you all!

Paige

"You look like you're a fighter, I don't want to piss you off!" - Week 5

Jennifer is back at the gym after being gone for almost 2 weeks! It was so nice to see her and have her back in usual form (tough). Jennifer was in Korea refereeing at the Women's World Boxing Championship and came back expecting professionalism from everyone.  We all did our best to comply and work our butts off to impress! We started off with 5 rounds of shadow boxing and then focused on bag work for the remainder of the class. Once again, I am amazed at how much there is to learn and remember about boxing. Jennifer was adamant and slightly aggressive in ensuring that every time I throw a punch,  my chin is tucked down into my shoulder. This is a tip/technique that I had never known about and it has changed everything! Focusing on bringing your shoulder up to protect your face kind of feels like you're punching yourself in the face with your shoulder and when I mentioned this to Jennifer, she reminded me that this will be a lot less painful than my opponent's fist to my jaw. This is true. It was also pointed out that I need to put more weight on my back leg when throwing any punches. These are two new and valuable learnings that I am going to remember from here on out. They will only make me a better boxer!

When I got home from the gym that night (Tuesday), I had a "package pick up slip" in my mailbox and I raced to my concierge. My gloves had arrived!!!! I ran upstairs to give Sydney (my roommate) a first look and showed her some of my punches and the new techniques I learned that night- all while wearing my new gloves of course. Sydney also helped me roll up my hand wraps the night before. They had a few wrinkles in them when she was done but it'll take some practice to get the roll up perfect. Thanks, Sydney! :)

Thursday couldn't come soon enough as I was TOO excited to get to the gym and throw on my new gloves and see how they felt. Let me tell you, they felt AMAZING and I think they looked pretty good too! Virgil had us do some circuit training from shadow boxing, to the punching bag, to the head movement bag, to the double end bag and then into the ring to fight against Sean! Betty Ann and I partnered up and made our way through the circuit. When we got into the ring, we were only allowed to use our jabs but we could punch Sean anywhere, while Sean was able to defend himself and throw any punch back but only allowed to hit us in the stomach. It was such a tiring few rounds but I felt good about how I did! (See pictures below)

My favourite part of my Thursday night was when I left the gym and was on my way to my soccer game in Burlington. I stopped at Tim Hortons to get myself a bottle of water. When I got to the window I had my new gloves sitting on my passenger seat and I handed a gift card to the cashier to pay for the water. He let me know that I still owed 48 cents. I repeated back "I owe you 48 cents?" as I thought I had more money on my card. He glanced into my car, noticed my new boxing gloves and said "Actually, don't worry about it! You look like you're a fighter, I don't want to piss you off!" I laughed and thanked him. This was such a great moment for me and it was such an overwhelming feeling. It's crazy how such a small comment can really make someone's day! Thanks, Tim Hortons' guy!

This was another amazing week at the gym! I just can't get enough!

If you'd like to support me with a donation, you can visit my personal page here: http://pmhf3.akaraisin.com/pledge/Participant/Home.aspx?seid=9717&mid=9&pid=2005385

Thanks in advance!

PS: Yes, my new gloves are PINK!